


Say Yes To The Mess

by AstroLatte



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Altean Boars, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, And Adam is here, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), But for love, But it's better because Allura is here, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Gay Keith (Voltron), Happy Ending, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Keith fights children, Keith gets bullied by lesbians, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Minor Kolivan/Krolia (Voltron), Post S8, Post Season 8, Post-Canon, Proposals gone wrong, Romance, That's keith, You know when all your friends are married/engaged, and you're just a gay disaster who can't propose to your boyfriend, post canon klance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:21:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23760757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AstroLatte/pseuds/AstroLatte
Summary: "Keith?""Yes, Lance?""Is that a dead Altean boar on our front porch?""Yes, it is.""Did you bring the dead Altean boar and leave it on our porch?""...do you like it?"Keith wants to sweep Lance off his feet with his proposal, that is if he doesn't get himself killed first.
Relationships: Acxa/Veronica (Voltron), Adam/Shiro (Voltron), Allura/Lotor (Voltron), Ezor/Zethrid (Voltron), Hunk/Shay (Voltron), Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Comments: 41
Kudos: 579
Collections: Green Sock Reality





	Say Yes To The Mess

**Author's Note:**

> *pats fic* Been sitting on this baby since last summer! 
> 
> This story was a collab between me and Gesuko for the "And We Are Beginning" post canon klance zine. Not only do you get the top-tier klance hijinks, but this time there are PICTURES! Its in the zine and on our Twitters. The art was made by Gesuko, and if anything makes you laugh out loud the joke was probably their idea.
> 
> Enjoy!

Keith fiddles with his teacup as the waitress of the charming Altean cafe pours hot water. Next to him is an empty chair and a dry tea bag. Lance was running late to their monthly gathering, and after years of being together, he knew his boyfriend didn't like his tea cold.

Across from him, Allura raps her nails against her cup, as her husband gets his own refill. Keith wonders if the waitress is a little starstruck with the King and Queen of her planet currently sitting for a casual meal with the former paladins of Voltron.

On his other side, Shiro shares a menu with Adam, pretending they're going to do something other than sharing a plate of waffles, their wedding bands shining.

Hunk leans into Allura's side to share the video call of Shay, and she pushes into the frame as Pidge reaches over to wave. Allura asks to see the betrothal necklace Hunk had recently presented to her, and the question triggers another wave of nerves through Keith's gut.

The expression is not lost on Lotor, but it's Shiro who asks, "Are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah," Keith answers. Although it's not a lie, it feels like one. He waves politely to Shay when Hunk spins her his direction, telling her congratulations. When his friend finally ends the call with a mushy goodbye, Hunk turns back to the group positively beaming.

"Once Lance gets here, we can order." Hunk searches around. "Where's your other half, anyway?"

"He's wrapping up a transport, he'll be here soon. But there's something I wanted to talk to you all about."

"Is everything alright?" Shiro asks again, ever the doting older brother. 

The energy of the table shifts as everyone looks at Keith. Hating the attention, and wanting to get it over with, he blurts out, "I'm proposing to Lance!"

A tense silence falls over the group. Keith thinks maybe he spoke to quickly until Pidge and Hunk groan loudly, banging their fist against the table as Allura smacks her husband's arm excitedly. "Oh my stars, I think I just won!"

"Won?" Keith echoes, staring across the table. "Won what?"

"You didn't win anything unless Lance says yes," Hunk points out, ignoring Keith, and Allura rolls her eyes.

"It's quite doubtful he'll say no, Hunk."

"It ain't over until it's over, your majesty," Adam says, typing something quickly on his phone. "If it happens within the next two weeks, Takashi wins. And if Lance beats him to it, I win."

Pidge lunges across the table in an attempt to swipe the phone from his hand. Adam dodges her tiny arms with ease. "You better not be texting a jeweler, you cheater!"

"Oh my god, did everyone put a bet on this?" Keith gasps, glaring at Shiro incredulously, who scratches the back of his neck uncomfortably.

"Well, not _everyone_."

"I did not partake," Lotor announces, rather pleased with himself. "Because I do not care about your relationship in the slightest."

Allura coughs something that sounds suspiciously like _cause you already lost_ under her breath and her husband flushes, sending her a look. She smiles, innocently.

"What I was going to ask," Keith thunders, gaining everyone's attention again. "Do you have any ideas on the best way to propose?"

"Just get him a ring, Keith," Shiro says sensibly. "Don't overthink this."

"I agree with Takashi," Adam notes, half-listening as he continues to text on his phone, only stopping to pull off his own wedding band to slip it on Keith's ring finger. "Speaking of rings, does this fit you? It's a size nine."

"Yeah, whatever," Keith says, not really paying attention as Adam slips the ring off. He turns to his friends. "Look, Lance has a big personality and you know how grand he is when it comes to romance. I'm way out of my element here, but he deserves the best. I was hoping for something a little less conventional than just getting down on one knee with a ring."

"But a ring’s classic!" Hunk argues. "As Queen Beyoncé once said, if you like it, you should put a ring on it!"

"Earth has royalty?" Lotor asks, but Allura ignores him.

"Keith is right, he needs to do something special," Allura smiles excitedly. "An ancient Altean tradition has lovers compete in various tasks and obstacles!"

"That seems doable," Pidge says. "You're good at getting into trouble." 

"Almost too good," Shiro notes.

"The ritual is called Amarea," Lotor explains. "Couples demonstrate their deepest affection for one another by fighting a giant Krayass and obtaining its inner edope lobe to be presented as a gesture of devotion."

"That's gross," Pidge says, wrinkling her nose. 

"But also kind of romantic," Adam adds, glancing up from his phone. "In a totally gross way."

"It is very romantic," Allura sighs, a blush creeping across her face. "We had our own Amarea ceremony on New Altea."

"What did you do with the edope lobe?" Hunk asks.

"We ate it!" Allura grins, and Keith's face falls. 

"I'm not making Lance eat an ear lobe!"

" _Edope_ lobe," Lotor corrects. "And it's not from its ear, it's from its genit—"

"Do not finish that sentence," Keith wields his butter knife at Lotor. "Or I will throw you back into the rift myself!" 

"Keith, you _are_ overthinking this," Pidge picks up her menu. "If you don't want to do anything too fancy, just do something like the Balmarian betrothal necklace." 

"Lance does love shiny things," Allura notes with a wink as the door to the restaurant opens with a ding of the bell. "And here he comes now!"

* * *

Keith sits in their living room, holding the Balamarian crystal necklace in his hand. It has a blue hue that sparkles in the light of the sunset beaming through the windows. Their farmhouse is on the same land as Lance's family farm, giving them enough privacy while being a quick run from his parents.

Having a permanent address wasn't something Keith had possessed since he was young. For a year after the war, his home had been the ship he flew between Blade missions until Lance had confessed to him one sleepy summer night and kissed him under the stars. 

Lance grounded Keith, and that's why the proposal meant so much to him. He was terrible at communicating his feelings, but maybe through his actions, he could convey to Lance how much he loves him.

How much he'll always love him.

But Keith has no idea how the hell to propose with a Balamarian necklace. Is he supposed to get on one knee? Or does Lance? How does anyone even wear this thing?

He's about to call Hunk to ask when he hears the front door unlock. Panicked, he shoves the necklace in his front pocket as Lance walks in after a long day of teaching at the Galaxy Garrison. He spots Keith and smiles.

"Hey!"

Kosmo appears from wherever he has been hiding in the house (or reality) to lunge at Lance and cover his face in slobbery kisses.

Lance laughs, the sound making Keith's throat close up as his heart jumps from his chest. He manages to appease the space wolf with some pets before turning to where Keith is now standing in the living room. He cocks an eyebrow.

"You okay?" Lance smiles, making his way over. Keith feels his face warm as he approaches, the crooked smile that he fell in love with when he was a lonely kid in space on full display. Just when Keith thinks his boyfriend is going to kiss him, he ducks, furiously wiping the wolf drool all over the front of Keith’s shirt.

"LANCE!" he scolds, trying to pull away. "UGH! YOU'RE SO GROSS!"

"You love it," he leans his chin against Keith's chest, pursing his lips like a fish and making obnoxious kissing noises. Keith rolls his eyes, pretending that the tactic won't work (it always does) before giving in and pecking him soundly on the lips. "Also, it's your wolf's drool. Take responsibility!"

"Kosmo is our wolf, you made that very clear when you had us wear matching Christmas sweaters for holiday cards."

Lance leans back with an indignant gasp, hand over his heart, "The McClain-Kogane Holiday Cards are a tradition, Keith!"

"We've only done it three times."

"You know what they say, once is an accident, twice is a coincidence, three times is tradition," Lance hums, wrapping his arms around Keith's neck. "Are you boys getting bored being Earth-side this long?"

"Not really," Keith says as Lance begins to sway back and forth. Their conversation turns into a slow dance in their living room. "It's nice being off for a bit."

"Hmmm," Lance sighs, and Keith knows how much he enjoys having him home after an extended mission. They move together effortlessly. "You're home next week?"

“Yeah. It’s Nadia's birthday, right?"

"I wasn't thinking about that, but now I am!"

"Are you still worried about her gift?" Keith asks, spinning Lance before dipping him. Lance squeaks in surprise, and Keith can't help but laugh before pulling him up. "I told you not to overthink it."

"Easy for you to say. You're quickly becoming her favorite uncle because you let her watch Kosmo. You're gonna steal her right from under my nose!" Lance huffs, face flushed as he notices something pressed between them and raises an eyebrow. "Uh...is that a Balamarian crystal in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

Keith flinches, attempting to pull back, "I don't - WOAH!"

Lance ignores him, shoving his hands into Keith's front pocket and pulls out the necklace. The blue gems sparkle in the light of their living room. 

Keith panics. "Lance, I can explain!"

"I can't believe you thought of this," Lance gapes, surprised. 

"Well, I mean...Hunk did give me the idea."

"Huh, that would make sense. Shay does have good taste in this stuff."

"I guess," Keith stumbles. This proposal was getting off to a weird start. "Um...do you like it?"

"Sure, but it's not my call," he inspects the necklace. "It's Nadia's."

"I...what?" What would Lance's niece have to say about his betrothal necklace? Was this some McClain tradition he needed to think about? Did pre-teens have a say in who their uncles married? 

"I can't believe you were letting me get all freaked out when you had this literally in your pocket," Lance shakes his head, smiling brightly. "This will be perfect for her birthday gift, but it's from both of us this time. Got it?"

Keith feels the retort forming in his throat, and he knows he should tell his boyfriend how wildly offbase his assumption is, but then Lance is smiling at him and looks so relieved that he crumbles. And when Lance pulls in him for a kiss, his mind flies elsewhere.

The necklace was a dumb idea anyway.

* * *

"Keith?"

"Hm?" he grunts, reaching for a wrench. He's doing small repairs on the pod of Kolivan's ship at the Garrison's garage while he’s on Earth.

"Why has my niece been parading around with a Balamarian Betrothal necklace around her neck?" 

Keith jerks in surprise, almost smashing his head against the pod's door. He turns around to see Veronica leaning over the railing sipping a smoothie from the cafeteria. Acxa is at her side with an amused expression— most likely at his own embarrassment.

"Didn't think girls were your type, sir," Acxa says, her smile a small and wily thing. "Especially eleven-year-olds."

Keith groans, already feeling the headache developing. "I didn't propose to Nadia. And how many times do I have to tell you to stop calling me _sir_?"

"But you're the commander of our fleet. What am I supposed to call you?"

"You can call him your brother-in-law?" Veronica suggests smoothly, making both Acxa and Keith bristle.

"We aren't even there yet," he argues.

"And with your tactics, you'll never get there!" Veronica huffs, pointing her smoothie at him accusingly. "Why would you propose with a Balamarian Betrothal necklace? We're Cuban!"

"Oooh is Boss Man looking to seal the deal with the blue kitty?" Ezor's voice rings as she appears at Veronica's side, obviously keeping herself hidden until some good gossip was spilled. Zethrid storms through the metal doors to the garage, never more than a hair away from her girlfriend. Ezor turns to her, practically preening. "Keithy is finally making an honest man out of the Earthling!"

"Which one?"

"The one with the bangs and pointy chin."

"Not the big guy who makes delicious boiled nox?"

"That's Hunk," Veronica corrects. "And he's already engaged to the Balmarian girl."

"No offense, but you humans all look the same to me," Zethrid admits. "I only know that you're Acxa's mate because you wear glasses and are taller than the other human who wears glasses." 

"Aww, thanks, Zethrid!"

"Can we please focus on Keith?"

"Can we not?" Keith huffs, stomping over to his toolbox to get a screwdriver. "I'll just figure out another way to propose."

"You're going about this the wrong way," Zethrid says, crossing her arms. "Earthlings and Alteans get so wrapped up in these tender displays of affection. It's downright sickening!"

Ezor wrinkles her nose, sticking out her tongue. "Seriously. It's gross."

"I think it's sweet," Acxa shrugs before turning to Keith. "But yes, you're absolutely going too soft." 

"What do you want me to do? Throw him in a volcano to make him marry me?"

"Hey, get your own proposal idea!" Zethrid barks and Ezor swoons. Veronica ignores them.

"Look, I love my brother, but you gotta admit he can be a little dense," she shrugs. "Maybe doing things the Galra way would work. Also, you're half-Galra, so it wouldn't be totally weird."

Keith sighs and rubs his temples. Yup, there it is. The now-familiar headache from his pack of lesbians. "What goes into doing things the 'Galra Way' anyway?"

All the women grin mischievously. 

* * *

Keith stands in the front yard of Lance's parents' house, hoping with all his might that a rogue Galra cruiser takes him out and ends his suffering.

As usual, he isn't that lucky.

He quickly learned the "Galra Way" meant partaking in the ancient Galra ritual of Seskel Zuul, which to him sounded like a bunch of jumbled noises but actually translated into an old Galra tradition of fighting someone's family for the honor of marriage. 

And that's how Keith ended up on the McClain's front yard, facing off against Lance's niece, nephew, and his own space wolf. 

(According to rules made up by his competition, Kosmo was cheating and therefore got to fight with Nadia and Silvio.)

Luis, Rachel, and Veronica all passed on the opportunity, claiming they didn't want to fight a "space ninja". Keith didn't know where Marco was and there was no way Keith was going to fight Lance's parents. He had figured it was a wash until Nadia and Silvio had eagerly volunteered.

"Ready to square off, Tío Keith?" Silvio calls as his sister finishes kicking off her shoes and placing her newly prized necklace in a pile with her other jewelry. Silvio has all the blind confidence and lack of body mass that would be expected of a thirteen-year-old boy. Next to them, Kosmo pants excitedly. 

"Sure. The first one to pin the other wins?"

"Sounds fair." Nadia nods, stretching her arms over her head before turning to Rachel. "Can you do the counting? Tía Veronica is busy taking pictures."

Rachel gives her niece a thumbs up as Veronica takes another picture of the ridiculous scene with her phone. Nadia and Silvio climb onto Kosmo like he's a warhorse.

"Ground rules," Rachel announces. "No fighting dirty, nothing too dangerous, and nothing below the belt. Everyone agree?"

They all nod.

"On the count of three." She takes a step back. "One...two...three!"

"ATTACK!" Silvio yells and his sister holds on for dear life as Kosmo charges. Keith braces for impact, ready to take them all down in one fell sweep until-

"What the quiznak is going on here?!"

"Lance?!" Keith chokes, glancing over his shoulder to see his boyfriend hanging out the door of Marco's pick-up truck. 

It's enough of a distraction that Kosmo jumps and teleports, the kids squealing in delight. Lance sprints to the yard and Keith barely manages to dodge Kosmo as he reappears.

"This isn't - _UGH_! - what it looks like!" Keith grunts between a barrel roll as Kosmo lunges toward him, Sivilo and Nadia still holding on tight.

"Really? Because it looks like your wolf is teleporting with my niece and nephew!"

Keith watches as Kosmo disappears and reappears again. 

"Okay, so maybe it's exactly what it looks like," he concedes.

"I leave you alone for an hour, and you're fighting actual children?"

"They weren't my first choice!"

"There were _options_?!"

"Keith asked us to fight him," Luis shrugs. "It sounded like a good way to kill some time."

"Yo Lance," Marco calls, apparently unfazed by the battle royale in their front yard. Keith has given up trying to attack and is now being chased in circles. "Where do you want this-"

"MULCH!" Lance shrieks, nervously laughing glancing at Keith and then back to Marco. "The... _mulch_...can go in the back room!" he says between gritted teeth.

Keith stops running. "DON'T BRING MULCH IN THE HOUSE!"

"PEOPLE WHO THROW HANDS WITH CHILDREN DON'T GET AN OPINION!"

That's the opening Kosmo needs and with a quick zap, he body slams Keith to the ground with a heavy thud, Nadia and Sivilo cheering. Rachel sprints to where Keith is pinned, Veronica hot on her heels with her phone.

"One, two, three — OUT!"

* * *

"You look terrible."

Keith groans at his mother from his seat in Kolivan's ship, pressing a frozen slab of meat on his black eye. 

"Is this from the failed Seskel Zuul?"

"It wasn't failed!" Keith bites back. "It just wasn't successful!"

"It wasn't successful because you failed."

Keith frowns turning back to the pod he was half paying attention to repairing. His mother sighs. 

"It's not uncommon to fail your first attempt at Seskel Zuul. Your father didn't partake in that, and Kovlian still hasn't challenged you to one for me," she tries to comfort. Keith's head jerks up.

"Why would Kovlian need to Seskel Zuul you?" his voice cracks. "Oh my god — are you dating my _boss_?!"

"Keith, focus!" Krolia scolds. "You failed because you tried to show dominance, and that isn't the kind of relationship you and Loud Mouth have. You need to show that you can provide for him and be a good mate."

"Fine, I can do that," Keith glances down at the piece of meat in his hands, then quickly turns back to his mother. "We are _so_ not done talking about Kovlian by the way!"

* * *

"Keith?"

"Yes, Lance?"

"Is that a dead Altean boar on our front porch?"

"Yes, it is."

"Did you bring the dead Altean boar and leave it on our porch?"

"...do you like it?"

Lance lets out the most extended sigh Keith has ever heard from him and pinches the bridge of his nose.

"I don't know what sort of Galra quarter-life crisis you're dealing with," he says, pointing to the dead carcass currently rotting on their front porch. "But you need to figure it out after you get whatever this is as far away from our home as humanly possible."

"Yup, sounds good."

"And do it before dinner tonight," Lance says, turning around before looking over his shoulder nervously. "Okay?"

"Yeah," Keith nods, giving Lance a small smile. "Promise."

This seems to appease him as he enters the house, and Keith screams into the arm of his jacket.

* * *

It takes Keith a few phone calls, but he quickly disposes of the boar and washes up in his ship. His pocket vibrates as Shiro blows up his phone with texts of _'Just get him a damn ring!'_ that Keith is ignoring.

Was proposing supposed to be this hard? Maybe he just wasn't marriage material.

He's in the midst of a self-pity party when Kosmo appears in front of him. His blue fur glowing like a light in the dusk.

"Hey traitor," Keith greets and the wolf whines, licking his palm looking for forgiveness. It takes him less than a second to fall for the ploy and scratch him behind the ears affectionately. "You're lucky you're cute."

Then Keith notices something - Kosmo's fur is freshly washed and brushed. He's also wearing a bow tie around his neck, with a note hanging from the collar written in familiar blue cursive.

_Follow me!_

Keith turns to Kosmo, whose tongue is lolling out excitedly. "I don't know what Lance is doing, but I'll play along. Lead the way."

The wolf barks and trots back towards home, Keith in tow. They climb up the familiar walkway, which is now anything but familiar, as small lawn lights line the way to their front porch. He opens the door and sees Lance standing in his nicest dress shirt, sweater rolled at the elbows, holding a bouquet of flowers from Diabazaal.

"Hey," he greets. It's a quietly-spoken word with such overwhelming emotion directed solely at Keith, he has to grip the doorknob to keep from falling. 

Lance is bashful and gorgeous in the moonlight. Behind him, he's managed to transform their cozy kitchen table into a romantic candlelit dinner, decorated with rose petals and delicate piano music playing in the background. 

"You got my note."

"It was on our wolf," Keith says, looking around. "When did you—"

He stops when Lance steps forward, taking hold of his hand, gripping the flowers in his free hand. Keith turns to face him, and it hits him all at once just how handsome his boyfriend is. From the depth of his eyes to the gentle expressions of his voice, even to the touch of his hand upon his own. Lance was beautiful. 

"Keith, I know I'm not perfect, but I'd follow you into hell if you asked me. I mean, I already kind of followed you into space, but that was different. I didn't even like you then - I mean I did like you! I just didn't know it yet, but I totally know now!" Lance stops, shaking his head, and holding Keith's hand tighter. "Sorry, I practiced this for days, but of course, now I mess it up."

"Lance—"

"I'll stay with you as you stay with me, trust you to trust in me, and together we'll ride through every storm, no matter what." Lance swallows hard. He's so nervous, it makes Keith's heart ache. "I meant it when I said you were the future, and I want to be your future if you'd have m -"

"Lance!"

"Oh my god Keith, stop interrupting!" Lance groans, letting go of Keith's hand to throw his own in the air, dramatically. "Can't you see I'm in the middle of something here?!"

"Are you proposing to me right now?" Keith croaks and Lance looks winded by the question. 

"Uh...yes?"

"You've been planning all —" Keith motions around wildly at the champagne, roses petals, and the meal nestled between two candelabras on their dinner table. "This! While I've been nearly killing myself trying to propose to you?! I hunted you an Altean boar! Which aren't like regular boar! They spit acid!" 

"Those were proposals?" Lance squawks in disbelief. "I thought you were having a crisis!"

"I was having a crisis! I was trying to find the perfect way to ask you to marry me! You love this mushy stuff, and I wanted to woo you!"

"How is a dead animal on our front porch wooing?"

"It shows I can provide for you as your mate!"

"Provide me what? Salmonella?!"

"We would've cooked it!" Keith cries, running his hands through his hair. He flops on the sofa, covering his face with his hands. "Can you even cook Altean boar?"

"I dunno, babe," Lance sighs, unable to hide the smile on his face as he lowers the flowers to the table and takes a seat next to him. "But I'm sure we would've found out together."

"Yeah when we both died of food poisoning," Keith groans as Lance snorts in laughter. "God, I'm so bad at this!" 

"No, no, don't be like that!" Lance pleads, peeling Keith's fingers from his pouting face.

"But you transformed our home into a romantic proposal dinner!" 

"And you got me a beautiful necklace, fought my family, and murdered a wild animal," he takes hold of Keith's hands, squeezing tight. "I'm thoroughly wooed!"

"You're the most important person in my life," Keith says softly, rubbing his thumb along his knuckles. "And I want to spend the rest of it with you."

"Same here," Lance smiles, squeezing his hand. "I know you struggle with this sappy stuff, so I wanted to take it off your shoulders and surprise you."

"Well, I'm surprised, but you know what would surprise me even more?" Keith says, before dropping down on one knee.

"Wow, that was smooth," Lance blinks. "Now I really am wooed."

Keith ignores him. "Will you marry me?"

"Of course, Mullet." Lance beams before it occurs to him. "Where's my ring?"

Keith freezes staring blankly at Lance. He sighs.

"You don't have a ring, do you?"

He doesn't, but Lance does. It was fitted for Keith (somehow he sneakily managed to get his ring size from Adam), but it sits perfectly when he slides the sapphire encrusted band on Lance's finger.

**Author's Note:**

> We stan our disaster boys.
> 
> Follow me on Twitter: @Astro_Latte and Tumblr: astrolatte.tumblr.com  
> Follow Gesuko on Twitter: @gesuko_ and Insta: instagram.com/gesu.ko/


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